The Most Interesting Parenting Stories on Tumblr

“Really, dude? We already had two ice cream trucks roll on by today.. and the last guy was cheaper.”
— Teagan to the ice cream man that just came onto our street (via toratoramarie)

toratoramarie:

I have told the girls to stop fighting so many times today that I have officially lost count, so now I’m just sitting here watching them duke it out. So far, it’s Teagan 2; Danika 3.

A+ Parenting, I know.

Teagan: You should be very very afraid right now!

Me: Why?

Teagan: Because I just took a big poop and I flushed twice and it still hasn't gone all the way down.

Me: That.. is gross. Keep flushing it until it's all gone.

Teagan: If I was a superhero, I would be Mighty Pooping Girl. Is it a fart or is it more serious.. we may never know.

thedaddycomplex:

Time for another guest post. This one comes from Tumblr’s own improvisingfatherhood.
Improvising Fatherhood’s Patented Parenting Techniques!By Nate Smith
(*All patents are pending)
Wow, I have been a father for almost five years now. That’s half a decade, or as I like to call it, one fifth of a quarter of a century! During my time as a dad, I have developed a few unique techniques to dealing with children.
Today I am going to share with you some of my best parenting tips and tricks.
Can’t get your kids to eat their food? Wait until they are asleep and then feed it to them intravenously.
Kids shouldn’t spend too much time watching TV. Mix it up by letting them watch their favorite shows on an iPad, iPhone, or other mobile devices.
Be an actual helicopter parent. Your kids would love it if you flew them around everywhere in a real helicopter. 
Keep your kids from getting spoiled by making them sleep in a Ziploc bag in the refrigerator. 
Don’t feed your kids junk food. Give them name-brand candy only.
Even though you know you’ve made a lot of mistakes in your life and are somewhat unhappy with how your life has turned out, make sure to force your kids to live their lives exactly like you.
When your kids are asleep whisper positive affirmations to them like, “It’s amazing I’ve managed to keep you alive this long.”
Remember, kids can smell fear…and farts…and they will call you out on that.
Make sure to back up all your pictures of your kids. That’s going to be valuable blackmail material some day.
Don’t let your kids use the word headcanon. Just don’t.
(photo by Lis Purdy)

thedaddycomplex:

Time for another guest post. This one comes from Tumblr’s own improvisingfatherhood.

Improvising Fatherhood’s Patented Parenting Techniques!
By Nate Smith

(*All patents are pending)

Wow, I have been a father for almost five years now. That’s half a decade, or as I like to call it, one fifth of a quarter of a century! During my time as a dad, I have developed a few unique techniques to dealing with children.

Today I am going to share with you some of my best parenting tips and tricks.

  1. Can’t get your kids to eat their food? Wait until they are asleep and then feed it to them intravenously.
  2. Kids shouldn’t spend too much time watching TV. Mix it up by letting them watch their favorite shows on an iPad, iPhone, or other mobile devices.
  3. Be an actual helicopter parent. Your kids would love it if you flew them around everywhere in a real helicopter. 
  4. Keep your kids from getting spoiled by making them sleep in a Ziploc bag in the refrigerator. 
  5. Don’t feed your kids junk food. Give them name-brand candy only.
  6. Even though you know you’ve made a lot of mistakes in your life and are somewhat unhappy with how your life has turned out, make sure to force your kids to live their lives exactly like you.
  7. When your kids are asleep whisper positive affirmations to them like, “It’s amazing I’ve managed to keep you alive this long.”
  8. Remember, kids can smell fear…and farts…and they will call you out on that.
  9. Make sure to back up all your pictures of your kids. That’s going to be valuable blackmail material some day.
  10. Don’t let your kids use the word headcanon. Just don’t.

(photo by Lis Purdy)

“Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.”
— Unknown (via perfect)

(Source: fawun, via b-rose-f)

Love According to a 3 Year Old

footfirst:

Apparently love according to my 3 year old is felt only when I help clean up messes. I’ve heard this a few times now. I ask if that’s the only reason she loves
Me and sure enough the simple answer was “yes”.

somamasays:

It took having another baby to realize that I was and have been in complete and utter denial that my almost four year old is not indeed, a baby.

Even when picking him up in my arms at 39 weeks pregnant didn’t send my brain messages that he is huge. He still fit snugly on top of my belly and wasn’t difficult to lift, in my mind.

Now I have a comparison and yeah. My first baby is huge. A little boy. My tiny man. He is so not a baby anymore. I can’t believe it.

And I am dead serious. Complete denial.

FY&I

alisonnnwonderland:

Ford calls getting a “brain freeze,” getting a “fire brain.”

“(With a mouth full of cake) You gave me this cake right?”
— Luke. (via lovemarriagebabycarriage)